A: You're not alone. I know a lot of people with similar attractions. There's no need for you to have a label: a lot of sexualities just don't really fit cleanly into the tertiary of gay/straight/bi and that's fine. If people ask what you are, you can either tell them that you identify as straight, or you can tell them what you just told us, I guess. (Do the latter in cases when you're talking to a girl you might want to go out with, lol.)
A: Especially during a younger time in life (like eighth grade), and especially after growing up in an environment as open and wonderful as the Village, there might be a bit of confusion over sexuality -- it's totally normal, and yeah, you're definitely not alone. Many people who identify as straight can have sexual feelings for the same sex, and can relate with homosexuals. No one needs a label, you can identify with whatever you'd like. Your feelings might regulate when you get older to indicate a certain preference, but at the same time, it might not, and that's perfectly fine. Identify with what makes you feel comfortable and when you fall for someone, don't let labels get in the way, no matter who they are.
A: Labels, the way I see it, are mostly just used to allow other people see you for what you want to be seen as. If you feel like you don't fall under a label, you can either make up your own or just not use one altogether. It's completely up to you! But labels do allow people looking for other people to find one another; i.e lesbians look for lesbians. But in the end, it's all about how you feel and what you feel most comfortable with.
A: I feel almost the exact same way, and I have since probably 8th or 9th grade (I'm now a junior). For me, it was important to realize that labels are never necessary and are only sometimes at all helpful. The most important thing is always to make sure that you are comfortable with what you do and how, if at all, you identify. It's totally fine to find people of the same sex attractive and want to be with them and consider yourself mostly, or completely, straight, just like it's totally fine to be in the same situation and consider yourself bi.Again, it's all a matter of figuring out what makes you happy and what's right for you; finding a name for it is only ever secondary.
A: what do you mean when you say you identify with queer people? at the very least, you sound like a curious ally, which we like.
if you really want a label, go with queer. it's nice and neat and includes you in the community without you having to compromise on space to revise your definition of yourself. also, with queer, people will usually ask you what that entails, or not, but at least they'll know that it probably means you're interested in women (and non-men), and doesn't necessarily mean you're not interested in men. also, i consider allies queer because it is still non-normative to be supportive of the queer community.
in all honesty, if i were you i would be careful about telling prospective female dates about your plan to eventually settle down with a man. it's a totally legitimate plan for your future, but it might give the wrong impression to some individuals who will see you as experimenting, and not actually interested in women. besides, in 8th grade, no one is looking for a relationship to settle into for the rest of their life, so your ideas about your final partner don't really need to come into play just yet.
Q: I'm in one of the younger grades, and I've come out to my closest friends, but now people in my class are making remarks like, "oh, you're not straight, are you?" or "hey, you're into girls, right, so what's your type?" and I don't want to come out to my classmates YET, so what should I do?
A: I'd advise you to simply be honest with people when they ask you about coming out. When someone asks you something and you're not comfortable coming out to them, you can always say "I'm not really sure" or "I don't feel comfortable talking about it yet." and move on.
A: rather than being honest, which might be more forthright than you're willing to be right now, i recommend you just don't lie. Ignoring them or saying, "i'm not gonna answer that," or even an indignant "excuse me?" is perfectly acceptable (just try to make that last one sound like you cannot even believe that they would think it's ok to ask you that before you've come out to them, rather than that you cannot even believe that they might think you're not straight. the point is not to seem self-loathing or homophobic, and not to get defensive). you never have to do anything before you're ready. still, know that not addressing it is usually going to confirm their suspicions. at a certain point, it might become impossible to stay in the closet, particularly if you happen to fit some stereotypes.
also, think about why you're not ready to come out to them, and maybe trying working on that instead. i don't know if you come to G/SA, but you should; we can help you with feeling more comfortable and ready, and support you through your coming out if that's what you eventually choose to do. also, we can show you how nice it can sometimes be to come out, which might help.
A: Oh yes. I've been there, and I remember all the wishy-washy questions freaking me out a lot. Try not to let it stress you, and remember that being out doesn't mean you've gotta put everything on the table. Simply tell them "I don't know" or "I don't want to talk about it". "Why?" is also always a good response. Not just for the purpose of shutting them up (although, it often does), but also because knowing the intent behind their questioning may make you a bit more comfortable when it comes to answering them (or chosing not to). :]
A: I don't know what the relationship between you and your classmates are, but you generally want something that'll keep them quiet but won't put them off, mainly because the possibility of coming out to them is still in the air and when you do, you'd probably want a welcoming group of peers over some who feel shut off by the way you handled it the first time around. Something quick and simple, like "does it matter?" or "why" in a non-offensive tone, as if you're laughing it off, might just work. You can try playing it off and, again laughing it off just say "who knows?"
