Q: I've been really close with one of my female friends (I'm a girl) for two years now, although we've been friends for ages. We're really physical with each other + sexually open and stuff -- for example, whenever we're together, we're always touching really closely or lying on top of each other, and it's not awkward at all. She's like this with a lot of her other friends too, though, so I don't think it's sexual. Both of us are (primarily) straight, and we spend a lot of time talking about guys and obsessing over celebrities.
Recently, though, we've been spending three or four hours talking over IM each night, and on the nights when she has too much homework to talk, I become pathetically depressed and I don't know what to do. On the other hand, last weekend she was away until Sunday night, and when I got an email from her at 11 at night I became ridiculously happy. If she were a guy, I'd think I had a crush on her, but since I'm only bicurious I don't know. (I've wanted to try kissing her for a a while now, although I've also wanted to try kissing one of my other friends, because they're both pretty and open to...whatever. I'd say I'm more attracted to guys, though.)
So I don't know if it's a really close friendship or something else. I'm not averse to it being something else, although I know she wouldn't return my feelings if I actually had them (she wouldn't freak out, though). But I really don't know what's going on.
Advice?
A: I would say that the best thing you could do would be to talk to her about your conflicted feelings. It seems to basically come down to this: you're very good friends (so you're already deeply emotionally connected), you're comfortable being physically close to each other, and you think you might want to try dating/hooking up with girls at some point. I think you should be honest with her about your feelings, stressing that you like spending time with her and being her friend and certainly don't want to ruin that friendship but that you may be interested in at least trying to make it more than a friendship. Maybe she feels the same way, and maybe she doesn't, but ultimately if you want to stay good friends with her I think you should be honest about your feelings, including your confusion. Your lying to her or just not telling her how you truly feel will ultimately hurt your friendship.
I also wouldn't worry so much about what the labels you've decided upon for yourselves imply you should be or do. Just because you think you're primarily straight doesn't mean that it's impossible for you to find girls attractive or want to be with them, and saying that you're "only bicurious" implies that you think that bicuriosity isn't enough to guarantee that this is a real crush. Ultimately, what matters is how you feel and what you're comfortable with, not what term you use to describe yourself. You can always switch the term.
